You’re Not Giving Up
Sometimes when a woman places her baby for adoption, it is referred to as “giving up” her baby. However “giving up” is far from the truth. There are a number of reasons why adoption could be the best option for a mother and her child. Each adoption story is unique and each is special in its own way.
However, even if you feel confident about your decision to place your child with another family, less-than-supportive language can cause you to feel negative emotions, which can lead to second guessing and possibly an adoption disruption. Instead of listening to the negative language you might hear in relation to adoption, know that your decision is valid and is not “giving up.” Rather, you are courageously providing the ultimate gift of life to your child and to an Adopting Family, as well as endless opportunities for all those in the adoption triad – you, the Adopting Parents and your baby.
Rather than having an abortion, Prospective Birth Mothers make the courageous decision to create an adoption plan out of the incredible love they have for their child.
Why You Aren’t Giving Up
Many people are physically capable of having a child and becoming a parent. However, not everyone is ready to raise a child. Good parenting takes more than love. It takes money, time, attention and engagement. Recognizing that what you have to give your child at this time is not enough is painful, brave and terrifying. Many parents don’t realize this truth until it’s too late. Though creating an adoption plan for your child is painful, making this decision is actually a tremendous act of love.
Coming to terms with your own circumstances and knowing that you can’t provide the life your child needs and deserves takes courage. The phrase, “giving up a child for adoption” implies that the child is not being lovingly placed with another family, but is simply being given up to the state, government, or another person. This terminology implies a lack of care and concern, and almost makes it seem as if the child does not matter to their Birth Mother and Father. For the vast majority of Birth Parents, this couldn’t be further from the truth, which is why seeing or hearing the words “giving up” is so hurtful.
If you or family members have negative thoughts about adoption, change those thoughts and feelings by considering these facts:
- Creating an adoption plan is a loving sacrifice: It’s no secret that throughout pregnancy and birth attachment grows between a mother and her child. For Birth Parents and their baby, the pregnancy, feeling the baby move and grow, and connecting with the baby on that physical level, create emotional bonds that aren’t easily broken. Even knowing that, Birth Parents still choose to place their child for adoption because they know it’s the best decision for the baby, and it is the decision that will provide their child with a lifetime of opportunities. By choosing adoption you are giving up your right to raise and love them in order to give them the best life possible.
- It doesn’t mean you’ll never see your child: The vast majority of adoptions today are open adoptions. This means that you, the Birth Parent, are able to be a part of your child’s life as they grow. Along with the adoptive family, you’ll decide how you want to keep in touch with your child. This may be through letter and photo sharing, actual visits, or by some other means.
- You’re doing what’s best: Every good parent puts their baby’s needs before their own. If you know that you aren’t able to provide and care for your child the way they need, placing them with a family that will be able to do these things and more is the best thing for them. You’re ensuring that they won’t have to go without necessities by placing them in an environment where they have all that they need.
Is Adoption Right for you?
There are many reasons why adoption might be the right choice for you and your child. Some expectant mothers are too young, others are in need of financial support, and many don’t have the resources they need to support a child. Others might be unwell physically or mentally, while some may not have the capacity or ability to care for a child in all the ways care is needed. These are just a few reasons. Your reasons are your own and only you can make this decision.
Every prospective Birth Mother has a unique situation that they feel calls for placing their child, and they shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for their decision. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you won’t be able to care for your child in the way they need and deserve, adoption is probably the right choice for you. There are plenty of resources for expectant mothers considering adoption. Find out if it’s the right choice for you.
Adoption is not “giving up.” It is, in fact, a powerful act of love that puts your child’s needs before your own needs and wants. By placing your baby, you’re giving them a better life. Rest in this truth and know that you will always be their parent, and they will always be your child.