We are Ben and Heather from Oregon

Dear Expectant Mom,

Sitting down to write a letter to you makes our hearts feel so full. Life is so much bigger than we are and right now as we write this we have yet to find you; it is humbling to think about a person we’ve never met who will have such a powerful impact on our lives. It reminds us of how small we are as individuals, yet interconnected with everything.

We will do all we can to give your baby a joyful, grateful and empowered life. We want your baby to know who you are and we are open to maintaining a relationship, consistent with your comfort level. We would love to be able to tell your child that they laugh like you or have your nose. We will raise your baby to be confident, kind, and adventurous, and we will nurture their self-expression and self-discovery. We can’t wait to hear what kinds of questions they have about all the little things and all the big things. We want to travel as much as possible as a family and as your baby grows so that our extended family and close friends – who are spread throughout several states – will be an important part of your child’s life.

Our partnership will be the foundation of our growing family. We’ve decided that legal marriage isn’t right for us and we think it is important to let you know why, because it is a purposeful decision for us. We are deeply committed to the life we’ve built together, a life that we prioritize, nurture, and choose again and again. There are so many ways to create a relationship and a family. So many ways to formalize a relationship, observe its sacredness, and create a before and an after. We recognize and respect that many couples find meaning in the legal side of getting married, but for us, it represents a history and tradition that doesn’t reflect our values. Marriage has its roots in inequality and power, historically to the disadvantage of women. We try to be thoughtful about how we live and we take the things from the marriage tradition that are meaningful to us. We honor the equal partnership that we’ve created outside of legal marriage.

Adoption is another purposeful choice for us. We didn’t try to have biological children first before arriving at adoption; adoption is how we are choosing to grow our family. We are grateful and happy to now be starting this journey and we are excited to see how it will unfold for us.

After reading our profile, you’ll hopefully have a glimpse into who we are and how we’ll approach parenting – and if you would like to share your story with us. What is important to you that your child knows about where they came from? What values do you want your child to learn and what are your dreams for their life? We can’t wait to learn more about you and your story.

Much love,
Heather and Ben